As an adult, you can uncover clues about ‘Why You Are the Way You Are’ when you listen to your parents talk

I remember getting a text from my mom on the way home from the gym a few weeks ago.

At the beginning of a particularly booked-out week, she’d asked if I wanted to catch up on the phone and talk.

I told her it wasn’t a good week to talk, I was unusually slammed, but let’s catch up the following week.

She texted me back.

Her text read:

“So happy you are that busy… That means you are successful!!!”

I remember freezing. Whoa.

If THAT’S how my mom thinks…

…and she’s PROUD of me for literally just “being busy”… and she actually believes that busy equals successful… what messages must I have absorbed during my childhood, teens, and 20s?

  • Busy is a requirement for success…
  • Being busy is desirable…
  • Busy is something to strive for…

If a child/teen gets these types of message over and over and internalizes them, as children/teens do…

…she’s likely going to be a child who finds herself striving to just be busy, if she ever desires being successful.


I don’t remember much about my childhood, or things my parents said to me when I was young, but as I listen to them now as a middle-aged adult myself, I hear themes and threads and clues as to how they think, and what “truths” they raised me with.

  • Consultants and contractors will try to steal your money.
  • Always be prepared for the worst.
  • Part of running a business is always worrying. Always.
  • Being skinny is very important.
  • If someone does something wrong, they deserve punishment.

I hear ways of thinking that not only surprise me, I hear ways of thinking I’ve had to work through and clear from my mind as I worked to overcome depression and anxiety.

My parents have always meant well.

They are NOT bad people.

They have their own beliefs about how the world works and, like other parents, through messages and modeling, they passed their understandings down to their children while they were doing the best they could.

Sometimes though, by the time we realize it’d be for the best if we reject some of our parents’ outlooks on life, the messages are already embedded as always-on programs in our subconscious… meaning we then expend a great deal of energy for the rest of our lives trying to NOT believe they’re true.

I’m not here to demonize my or anyone else’s parents.

I simply invite you to pay attention to the “statements of truth” your parents make. It’s a fascinating game that quickly uncovers gold nuggets of insight into why you are the way you are today.

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